by Tony Sebastian who is as bright as a tube light.

So Bush is finally hanging up his boots; and a couple more belonging to some Iraqi journalist. How he evaded those two shoes I'll never know. But strangely enough, I've referred to Dubya as a ducker many a time - mostly over SMS. Eight years ago when he took charge, Al Gore might have felt ambushed. Today at the end of the Bush rule and The Arabic Bloodshed, where he lived up to the name of his adversary from the election, I feel pretty much the same thing - I am bushed. Now that the ordeal is over with the mass voting for the ass (the animal this time), I guess people will have similar hopes for George and the country that he left barren - that they would both be Bushing up daisies.

It was only natural that the "bushmen" chose a hunter as the vice president. Though Dick Cheney didn't get much limelight (he was the lamp hidden under the bush-el if you will), he amuses me for more reasons more than one. Primarily, his first name. English, I've always maintained is a very weird language. How is Chuck short for Charles? They are as similar as Chalk and Cheese if you ask me. And Dick is apparently short for Richard. But I guess that is acceptable - it widens the range of euphemisms. For example, you could now say - "The African-American had a Richard" ;)

But where was I before I started beating around the bush (wow triple meaning!)? Yes Bush and Dick took us through eight years of amusement ( It is pure coincidence that they were the same eight years since I attained puberty) and we are definitely going to miss them. Whenever they made statements, we knew there was something missing, it was plain to everyone that there was an elephant in the room, but they were entertaining nonetheless and ruled the most powerful country in the world. In the process they screwed up a few nations - no big deal, they waged a few wars - acceptable casualties, they found no weapons of mass destruction - mere human error, the important point is - they were great leaders!

What makes them great leaders you ask? Looking at the qualities that define a leader, or someone who is popular, if I had to name one quintessential mannerism that would get you there, it would be idiocy-n-crazy. You have to be stupid enough and/or be obstinately stubborn about your own stupidity and the world will fall at your feet. And they were simple enough to be elected twice. Mediocrity is the only required quality to run the world - There is a rule that states this of course - The law of averages. Carrying on with the mathematical angle, I wonder if that is why something considered greater than normal is called obtuse.

Real genius, like this clever corner by Manchester United against Chelsea, is never appreciated and,more often than not, is disallowed. Look at what happened to Copernicus's theory for instance. LOL Copernicus. Funny name that. It gives you an imagery to its etymology doesn't it? You know, Copernicus's parents were English and they relate how they were caught one night by the police - "So yeah, we were drunk that night and we started making out in public, and that made the copper nick us". Over time, the P and the K were lost and we have the cruder form Copernicus. Much like how A Napron became An Apron.

We digress. But then I guess that is what my alter-ego and I are expected to do - me and er... what is that guy's name now? Anyway that is not important.. No discussion on the success of stupidity would be complete without mentioning the big money making machine from Mumbai - The mind-numbingly mundane, mediocre movie industry which mints money like magic - Bollywood. G3 once said " Bollywood is a proof for the existence of God - if people are actually as stupid as the movie makers/ characters in the movie, there is no way the human race could have survived so long without some divine intervention." I couldn't phrase it better.

I used this to my advantage.Whenever I got my answer sheets from school, I'd feel pretty low. I do not know if my teachers foresaw this and thought they should offer some aid in the form of some red crosses on the paper. To make myself feel better, I 'd (try to) watch a Bollywood movie and voila I'd feel smart all over again. How on earth can anyone name a movie Singh is kinng and make money out of it? Did you know that Bollywood anagrams to BLOODY LOW. I agree that isn't really great wordplay but quite frankly, bollywood doesn't deserve any better (or any more words on this piece).

Next time you want to conquer something, try colouring your hair blonde, gray matter was never in vogue anyway. So what about me? Well I am modest enough to state that I am stupid and single-mindedly stubborn (no not just with reference to the relationship status of a girl whom I court.) - yes that's right... I rule! :)

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Afterword: I simply cannot refrain from making this corny Republican Elephant joke.

Q:Why did the Republican Party sign read "Republican Pary"?

A: Because elephants never forge-T.

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